Our House

Back in 1982 Jelly Helm taught me how to make lists in AP Biology at Trinity High School. Not lists of phyla, more like lists of reasons Ms. Herp’s hair was green or reasons it was going to be a great day. Somewhere along the way I think Jelly taught Dave Letterman how to make funny lists, and now everybody is doing it.

Without further ado, here are the Top 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Move to Carrboro and Buy My House:


1.) You’re a Duke fan and the proximity to UNC would make you sprout Blue Devil horns.

2.) A town with a free transit system is too green for you.

3.) The neighborhood gang is too rough and tumble.

4.) The laughter emanating from Dirty South Improv would make you too joyful.

5.) The local independent music scene would be lost on you.

6.) The tennis bums at Chapel Hill Tennis Club and the canoes at University Lake might tempt you to quit your day job.

7.) Your mother-in-law in Topeka, Kansas, needs you there for dinner every Sunday night.

8.) You plan to home school and don’t need great public schools like Carrboro High School.

9.) You like box stores and the Carrboro Farmer’s Market would insult your sensibilities.

10.) The four seasons and fair weather would destroy all the pleasure of complaining about the weather.

What, you still want to buy my house? Okay, here is the link to the listing.


I remember way back then when everything was true and when/We would have such a very good time such a fine time/ Such a happy time/ And I remember how we’d play simply waste the day away/ Then we’d say nothing would come between us two dreamers
“Our House” by Madness